purity within!!

of all the "jhatka's" - shocks in life, i have been getting in the past few months i have had experienced one more noteable one today.. but, the funny part is that being the person i am usually who gets pissed off on the third count. I am able to digest everything just for the fact that I Love this girl head over heels regardless of what may come. Most of the world says that she is not the one for me..people associated to her say that i am the one for her. I dont know what she thinks of me, but my gut says that she is the one for me.

For that main reason of trusting my gut, I hope, that one day I would be happy for life. I know she likes me, but the fright in her is far more advanced than her likeliness. Wish that every obstacle subsides and I get the Love of my Life.. I might be writing this emotionally and this might even sound funny to me a few blogs after. But at this very moment, I Love her with a very pure and sincere heart.

Hope my voices are heard!!

Hope her misconception of pure and impure gets cleared.. In the gist of my emotions I fear the loss of her would be devastating.. Still trusting my gut and living the dream, hoping for it to come true...

Conditional Love!

There is no such thing as "Unconditional Love" atleast in my case. I was questioned of being not settled in life, of not having enough bank balance. The grounds on which my heart was shattered into pieces. I have loved her unconditionally, for which I was judged upon these options. I realize that I am only an option in her life and not a priority. I realize that what I have endured is to the very minuscule to her and to my utter disappointment, there is nothing called Love.

Love, trust, confidence are all faint words and are just fictional and cinematic in life. Unconditional affection is only from those who are kin. To get into a relationship, the fairer sex always needs money. With this I have lost trust in love, but my respect towards her are intact. Let thy Lord shower her with the richest guy.

For loving her unconditionally, i would rather die in peace seeing her happy with the comforts in life. I know given the amount of time, I would reach her expectations. But for a guy, who goes with the gut feeling, like me there no place to be with her.

With a very shattered heart, which is battered for one more time, I feel obnoxious for I cannot forget her. I know, I have to let go..but I can't as I loved her for what she is. Hope another faint word is what I need to sooth in for, at least to wait to rest in peace.

Ruthlessly Dumped.

I come to my own senses now..combating my own gut. I need to say, to come out of such Sloth, needed a strong point from this girl I respect the most, in fact I shouldn't even be afraid to say that I loved the most.

Despite of all the well wishers saying that she wouldn't match my aura of thought and living. I was stubborn enough to believe my inexperienced gut. I am elated to have such good family, such good friends. Thanks to the Lord on that.

There so much to say that the of all that I have lost in all these month of feud likeliness towards this girl, did give me a good lesson to learn. I have gone to an extent of disgracing my own identity for the sake of the gut feeling towards this girl. Man coming to my own senses is such a good feeling.

I hope I am not writing this piece in mere wrath of frustration, but down the line, I would be pretty confident in going over this blog for what I have done and what eventually happened for my own good.

Of all the words, I had to hear to my greatest of disgrace was the act of being hooked up that made me realize that I was not even being treated humanely. I hope all the good in the world is done to this girl..for whom I would pray God that I would have the utmost respect going forward.

For what I have done, I would be sorry to my better half and would truthfully apologize about this encounter out of the others.

Whats lost...

- trust to love anyone truthfully
- time
- interest in things that most interest me

whats gained

- the value of friendship
- the value of time
- appetite

Now coming to the grand finale, the reasons for which i have been dumped.. i hope anyone who reads this would realize, atleast i did, that beyond love there are certain boundaries of security standards that are set by the "indian prototypes"

- even though from the same caste, state there a difference in region.
- being a qualified professional and working for a couple of years with a considerably good bank balance, what I have endured is not satisfactory.
- beyond love, which i realize of late that everyone for that matter the nearest of kin can't be convinced with, parents wouldn't agree.

hearing the above, i realized that they were just mere reason to dump rather than a legitimate issue. henceforth going against my gut was the best optimal solution..

well, the say came out to be true again though "Man proposes. God Disposes" Being and ardent believer in the Lord, i would for now go with it.

true love is blamed?!

of all the pain, the greatest of pain are that nerve wrecking words to hear when your true love is blamed, without even questioning. i feel that disquieting welter of emotions are all lost in hearing that paralyzing words which are effortlessly thrown out without even a slightest concern of how heartbreaking it would feel to the other person.

may be is the deeds that are done in the past that reflect the present, may be its that reckon of not having the ability to realize true love in the bygone days. the present is so painful that you get to realize that it was a similar situation that was caused by you in the past.

i know that the past repeats in itself, but never could assess the intensity of the pain that it would bring with it. i am sad to be sorry of the broken moments that i caused, which i face in the present. but then i realize that it was that deed of mine that gave that strong heart to those, for them to be in the position they are in now. hope the exact same doesn't happen to me. just to save the present to be intact. i realize that true love.. again, just cant afford to loose it.

America - an(d) Indian thought!

they say its the land of opportunities, facing the facts at the moment are different thought, but i am not going to write about the opportunity this land has created instead wanted to talk about the options it has to live the life at will. in the first quarter of my life, i have learnt to live in a way where my endurance would be specific to me and no one else could have possibly endured it. the pain, the peace in mind has taken me to a state of mind where the Indian moment comes to place.

being and living the Indian tradition is nevertheless worth-full if true love is blamed

true love is never lost!

i am a person who believes in the gut feeling. the tremendous pressure, of all that i have gone through in the recent past, i have this gut feeling that she is "the one". from the very first moment i saw here on from a stereotyped staircase on a wonderful morning, in an elegant yellow traditional dress, with a beautiful half smile and shimmering shoulder length hair and a nostalgic looking spectacles. i was dumbstruck, even more when the gut feeling of "she is mine" pondered over my heart.

the gut, says it all and it says it to let go on others decisions, going with the heart and mind in sync is the best of feelings.

believing in destiny and in God, would always result in a happy ending.. hope that comes true..not sure whats written, but confident of the fact that all would be in best of interest..what a Player!!

and the delirious life worsens ...

huh!! lost the passion, lost the power, lost zeal and left with illusion. thats what you get when are true to the heart, at least in terms of settling down in a relationship. all the gratitudes of life are flickering in dillusion at the present state of my mind and as i write i feel sick of it.

why? why in the hell? did i try to get in, didn't i try to get out? knowing that there would be pain more than the sweet sooth of love. i have been dwindling and now am a such phase of life, that it should have been better.

the more caring u try to be, that more wrathful the situation would turn to be. it is always to be in that dont care attitude that the are to be treated with. deception is the only best way to make and keep control. i knew it from the very begining, but couldnt never implement it. thats the charm a girl, you truely love, would batter you with.

beware my friends its a complicated love story...