It is a mid Monday morning of Memorial Day and I sit in one corner of my room thinking about the past, present and with no clue about the future. I have had many holidays when I used to get up in ease and enjoy the morning raaga with just my computer then and spend the rest of the day without any pain of being left alone or confused on what to do next. But the past few months, I have experienced pain to the core and nothing more than that. I know I am speaking in such pathos, that the world might get to an end, but its my unending helplessness of liking(trying to avoid the 'loving' as much so that, if there is a hint, to forget her) her.
I know in many a context she isnt the best fit, but liking with knowing the fact is what has brought me into the situation where I am right now. But, in my sincere effort to forget her, I want to not like her as much as I do. Alas, I am so messed up that I am not able to contradict her in any way!
The journey has been painful, but I hope I survive through it. The Hope, huh, through which I have been coming all along trying to push it further, trying to pull the stings together, is now wading off in pain. Why pain?? If anyone asks me, I wouldn't have an answer, but atleast if I could realize that there is no pain involved if there no love on both the sides. If its just one person thing then, it should rather be a one time effort and me effortlessly coming out of it. But, that is the lost identity in me that I have lost the capability of forgetting on the spur.
I dare not to be involved, anytime going forward, as I am now. I am writing todays parchment only to come out of the illustrious painful world for a bit to realize my true identity, but it is damn difficult. No I fear, if this is it, if this how it is going to be in future.
Lost direction, is what I feel now, life is so similar to this blog-post. With uncertainty, I pick up the call from her now..This is how confused I am!!
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